How Strong is your Judgmental Bone?


Guilty! Hang Him! Serves him right! He got what he deserved! He’s had it coming! That’ll teach him a lesson! 
Have you found yourself thinking or worse still, saying any of the above judgmental phrases, then, you are not alone. We humans have a sense of judgment, which can sometimes be lopsided and skewed, and we erroneously picture God, as a deity who, like a loan shark is out to collect from everyone who has been a bad apple. Not so! While we sow seeds with our words and actions, we get to experience the consequences—good or otherwise less pleasant ones as well. 
It is a huge reflection on our heart when we secretly rejoice over the misfortune of others and it is a proof of the absence of true love within us. 
True Love does not cry “Aha! Gotcha! It does cry however, “Alas! Brother! Are you okay? Are you hurt?” 
While we may no longer pay attention to these seemingly insignificant thoughts, they, to a large extent define our humanity because deep down, we all truly care about one another. Those cares and affections however, have a way of being buried deep under the rubble of hurts, disappointments, fear, rejection, loneliness, envy, strife, insecurity, and depression. 
The yearning for the warmth we once knew can turn us into cold and distant, almost callous individuals, if we let it. It is until we are honest with ourselves that we truly get on the path of healing, for our bodies, spirits and souls (will, intellect, emotions). 
The way some of us were raised is usually a huge determining factor in how we communicate our needs. For some, it was throwing tantrums or fits of rage that got them what they wanted; while for others, it was being withdrawn and moping all over the place. Whichever your style is, we all have to learn to communicate properly, so that we can have our needs met, or have realistic expectations regarding our needs or wants. 
Isn’t it ironic that we say one thing, yet we act the splitting opposite? Unless we have been broken within and have lost our sense of dignity, we should be able to make our requests known in understandable format, devoid of coding in reverse psychology. 
If you want someone to change the way they relate to you, it is only fair that you communicate exactly that to the person. You will be short-changing yourself when you assume the other person would deduce the core of the message you are trying ever so hard to pass across. There is room for being misconstrued when you do not communicate in clear terms. Say what you mean, and by all means, mean what you say! No more, no less.

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Akin Ibitoye

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By Akin Ibitoye