Been almost 10 years since I cried, I mean real tears streaming down my face. Call it ‘detached’ or whatever you like, I know I have had many opportunities to cry but they never came, became worrisome after about 5 years, and even after losing my coach and lots of family members and failed relationships, tears connived to stay away from my eyes. I was told its normal by a senior colleague, but I knew better. I have removed myself emotionally from everything that could hurt or something close to that, sub-consciously at least.
Out of the blues, I was watching a very touching movie yesterday (23rd August 2011) “5th Quarter” and there they were, streaming down my face in torrents, I cried and cried, and I allowed it flow because it was a relief. That movie is the second movie in my lifetime that would draw tears from my eyes! The first was “Mermaid”. Why am I writing about the fact that I cried? What’s the big deal you might ask? You never know the value of what you have until you don’t have it anymore, so the saying goes right?
I tell you that when I see people cry, or see folks in apalling conditions, or sick folks who are suffering, my throat tightens and I would be moved to tears but they would never come, the farthest would be that my eyes would become misty, I am so grateful for that movie because it afforded me the opportunity to release all the pent-up emotions I have been holding back for over 3 years. Can you just imagine bottling up that much grief, pain, hurt, dissapointment, failure, beef? It is not healthy, I can tell you.
How do I know? One thing for sure, my creativity has been on the decline steadily for the past couple of months/years, and that is an acid test of whether or not I got lots on my mind, consciously, I may not realize that there are, but sub-consciously, they are enormous icebergs that have ship-wrecked my creativity and a host of other things in my life. So, why did you choose to read this note? The title? Or something else?
Thanks, and lets it flow!